I gave God a time limit for something I’ve asked for.
Can you even?!
I mean, who do I think I am? Besides gutsy? And maybe a little bit sassy…
The thing is, now I’m sweating. We’re down to the crunch, really, and part of me wants to bail. To say, “you know what, God? It’s ok. I probably shouldn’t have asked in the first place so I’m gonna let you off the hook now because there’s a slight possibility that I’m off my rocker and you may not do what I’ve asked. And then where will that leave me?”
Disappointed. That’s where.
Here’s the thing: it’s just that I’m pretty sure that He’s the one who put the crazy idea in my head in the first place. And what’s crazier still is that literally every day since it popped into my head and I blurted it out to Him, I’ve been learning about praying the Big Bold Prayers He gives to us. And not backing down til they happen.
And to top it all off, there’s this niggling little addendum that persists in making itself known as well, which is that this is all about convincing my heart how much He truly is for me. To know and know and know and know and know that He Is Good.
What’s that all about anyway? God is God. He can do whatever He jolly well pleases because He is bloody well God! So why would God Almighty intentionally fill my goofy head with outlandish ideas, and whisper to me that He intends to bowl me over with it all?
Humor me here, but I think it may be because He is persuading my heart for the bigger things that are to come. He wants my heart to be so convinced of His goodness that even when nothing in my circumstances even hints at what He says will happen… It will. Because He is good. And He said so.
Let me just go on record as saying that this particular thing could very well become something that I write about down the line with shame or humility because it didn’t happen and I end up eating crow.
But so far I can’t ignore the everyday confirmations in various forms despite my anxiousness about it all. I’m learning not to be anxious, and to trust that since I’ve been begging Him to remove these crazy ideas from me if its all fabricated independent of Him – and He hasn’t – that there is no limit to His power. And if He wants to do nutso-stuff in my life like this, then bring it on.
My only fear is that it’s not from Him. So I want an exit plan. I want to save face. Now. Before the deadline that may come and go and I’m devastated.
I hate feeling devastated.
I try to avoid it.
Hence the desperate desire for an exit.
But today I’m going to keep my focus on His face. Trusting in His merciful nature.
Oh man. I wonder if straight jackets are really uncomfortable?