When You Want an Exit Plan

I gave God a time limit for something I’ve asked for. 

Can you even?!

I mean, who do I think I am? Besides gutsy? And maybe a little bit sassy…

The thing is, now I’m sweating. We’re down to the crunch, really, and part of me wants to bail. To say, “you know what, God? It’s ok. I probably shouldn’t have asked in the first place so I’m gonna let you off the hook now because there’s a slight possibility that I’m off my rocker and you may not do what I’ve asked. And then where will that leave me?”

Disappointed. That’s where. 

Here’s the thing: it’s just that I’m pretty sure that He’s the one who put the crazy idea in my head in the first place. And what’s crazier still is that literally every day since it popped into my head and I blurted it out to Him, I’ve been learning about praying the Big Bold Prayers He gives to us. And not backing down til they happen. 

And to top it all off, there’s this niggling little addendum that persists in making itself known as well, which is that this is all about convincing my heart how much He truly is for me. To know and know and know and know and know that He Is Good. 

What’s that all about anyway? God is God. He can do whatever He jolly well pleases because He is bloody well God! So why would God Almighty intentionally fill my goofy head with outlandish ideas, and whisper to me that He intends to bowl me over with it all? 

Humor me here, but I think it may be because He is persuading my heart for the bigger things that are to come. He wants my heart to be so convinced of His goodness that even when nothing in my circumstances even hints at what He says will happen… It will. Because He is good. And He said so.

Let me just go on record as saying that this particular thing could very well become something that I write about down the line with shame or humility because it didn’t happen and I end up eating crow. 

But so far I can’t ignore the everyday confirmations in various forms despite my anxiousness about it all. I’m learning not to be anxious, and to trust that since I’ve been begging Him to remove these crazy ideas from me if its all fabricated independent of Him – and He hasn’t – that there is no limit to His power. And if He wants to do nutso-stuff in my life like this, then bring it on. 

My only fear is that it’s not from Him. So I want an exit plan. I want to save face. Now. Before the deadline that may come and go and I’m devastated. 

I hate feeling devastated. 

I try to avoid it.

Hence the desperate desire for an exit. 

But today I’m going to keep my focus on His face. Trusting in His merciful nature. 

Oh man. I wonder if straight jackets are really uncomfortable?

Love love

8 thoughts on “When You Want an Exit Plan”

  1. Well, it is a sad world that thinks only with reason and logic and bases everything on that. Father is Love and He can only live in our hearts. Backwards to the world maybe, but right with Him.

  2. Hey Sheav good stuff. To enourage you God did something for me that was outrageous and I didn’t even ask but was trusting ig time. WHY? BECAUSE my greatest desire is to be fully convinced that he is faithful. Your desire delights him and he is relentless in his goodness toward you. Blessing.

  3. YES.

    We get out of the boat hoping we can walk on water because we want to be near Him, and if we start to sink it’s OKAY because He’s great at showing up and helping out and being God and being KIND.

    Yes yes yes. My heart is here with you.

  4. Aw, honey! You are not nutso! And even if nothing happens just because you are convinced it will, doesn’t make you or any of us nuts. And maybe the nothing that happens is what His plan is! What matters is that no matter what your sweet little head thinks, your heart is who/what you are letting take charge and that is what He wants in the first place! Once He has that because you put it in charge and let Him in, well, you just “won” anyway. You let Him in! I too am walking this walk right along beside you! All of us who have given our hearts to him are! And will continue to be. Until that great day comes and none of this crazy stuff will matter anymore, Ever! Love you, girl!

    1. lol! Thanks Linda. It truly feels nuts letting our hearts win in this struggle, but I agree that it is what He wants… Just feels so backwards, doesn’t it? Thanks for the encouragement!

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