When my husband walked out on me in 2005, my world fell apart. I had already endured the death of our 8 month old son, had jumped in with both feet trying to navigate how to parent our second daughter who has special needs, and was living each day on a wing and a prayer, barely surviving. Our marriage had been in trouble for a few years already, but I really didn’t allow myself to believe it was over even though we barely spoke. So, through a few kind of cool events that happened, I turned to God for help and support and direction.
A good friend of the family who had been through the same sort of thing sent me a book that made a significant impact on me, called Wait, a poem actually, by Russell Kelfer. Based on Isaiah 40:31: “But those who wait on the Lord will find new strength. They will fly high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.”, I was struck by the profound idea that God is more concerned about the process of developing my character and teaching me to look to Him for everything, becoming intimately close to Him.
I don’t like to wait. I am impatient. I get scared. I hate feeling vulnerable. All that being said, though, I have learned that there is something amazing that happens when I look up above the chaos I find myself in, and directly into the eyes of the One who loves me most. When I plant myself beside Him like a tree planted by a river, my roots grow down deep, finding all the nourishment I need in Him, and Him alone. Winds may blow, rain may pelt, drought may threaten, but I am never without. I am rooted and grounded in Him, who supplies all I need.
There is no other way to experience this than to walk it. It stinks. It’s hard. It often hurts. But the outcome is always surreal. Other-worldly. Supernatural. Maybe not to the onlooker, but to me, and to Him — and that’s what counts.
So I have learned to wait, even when I would rather not, because it is always, always for my best. Who came up with the concept of waiting? God Himself, because He knows what it brings about: a much better me.