My name is Sheavaun and I’m a recovering codependent. Or rather, a recovering Ms. Crabbypantscontrolfreak.
I’m discovering all sorts of new things as I look through this new lens.
Take for instance that it is not uncommon for a codependent to become addicted to something as well as be attached to someone else who has an addictive personality. Drumroll please.
Yes, that is right. I am a food addict. For close to 10 years I have been fighting my weight thinking that the solution or cure for my then 20, now close to 40 pounds of extra weight I lug around is just around the corner. When in fact the thing-behind-the-thing in my case is that I have made food into my comfort. And allowed it to control me. I had an inkling of this truth, but the clarity in which I now view this astounding revelation is sharp and cuts to the quick.
The 12 steps I received from my counselor and which are taught in my al-anon group are now not only vital for my ability to survive and thrive in my relationship(s), but also in my very personal life as a now confessed food-addict.
(1) I admit I am powerless over my husband, as well as food. My life has become unmanageable.
(2) I wholeheartedly believe that God is so much more powerful than I and has restored me to sanity and wholeness.
(3) In bed last night as the picture of my condition sharpened in clarity I made a decision to turn my will and life in this regard over to God. I had done this for many other instances after giving Him my trust and heart as a young girl, but this is new information for me, and I give it over willingly. I can’t do this on my own. I have allowed something else to master me and ruin so much of my joy and sap my strength for too long. I don’t want that any more.
I’m not sure what it is about this particular revelation that makes such a difference in how I function right now. In the past I have been able to manage a handful of diets that resulted in a wee bit of weight loss that got packed back on sooner than later because I went straight back to eating too much. I was aware of this.
I was aware that I shouldn’t give in to food, yet continued to do so.
I was aware that it meant more to me than it should.
They could say no.
So what’s so different now?
Is it the mere power of words?
There’s more to it, and I realize that it is in this one more thing that I must relinquish my stranglehold on what I think I can control, or… what I can’t.
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
I am more than a conqueror through Him.
I am new.
I recognize that I am powerless over food, but I believe that God is greater and can restore me.
I turn my will over to Him, ready and willing for Him to remove this from me.
I’m ready to be free!
Bring it on.