“It was 10 years ago this month that your Dad left me.”
Her teasing smirk began to fade as she turned her body toward me a little more.
“Honey, I just filed our divorce papers this month, not even considering that it’s been 10 years in the making.”
“Holy cow. How do you feel?”
“Good. Really good.”
“I’m happy for you, Mom. I really am.”
Can I just tell you that there is no way on God’s green earth that you would EVER have heard me 10 years ago saying that I felt good about divorce. Ever.
Forget 10 years ago, how about 2?
It was wrong.
It was horrible.
God didn’t like it.
Christians flog you for it.
It was scary. No, terrifying.
But here I am… and am pretty ok with it.
No, I’m not numb or jaded. Or hardened.
Because I tried to save my marriage, and found myself the one who was saved instead.
All the broken pieces – He helped me pick them up.
All the wounds – He healed.
All the insecurities – He spoke to and banished.
All the holes – He filled.
All the fears – He replaced.
It’s not what I prayed for exactly, 10 years ago. But God met me in a very real, very not-what-I-was-looking-for way, and I’ll be grateful til the end of forever.
I can’t do anything about all the well-meaning people who feel obliged to email or call me and ask if I’m really sure I’ve given the whole matter over to God, and done all I can, except say: “yes, and yes.” And now I am looking into my God’s face, trusting Him to lead me even when the people He’s putting me in front of may want to shun me…
But the divorce isn’t even what I’m writing about today, it’s about the fear.
That circumstance that has dumped itself in front of you and is trying to stare you into a coma.
That new thing that is trying to scare the pants off you? Don’t let it.
You know why?
Because God is good and you are loved.
There is no one kinder than God. No one as good. No one who IS love, never mind loves like God. No one more faithful.
And YOU! You are important to Him. He made you. He designed you. He dreamed of you, and called you into being.
Sure you’ve screwed up, but you are not a screw up. Sure you’ve failed, but you’re not a failure. Sure, you may feel like a nobody, or worthless, or not able to measure up… but He sees you differently.
He sees you as you can be, and wants to love you into it.
I’m proof. Of course, there’s still a reeaallllyyy long way for me to go yet, but I’m not the same woman I was.
So, don’t let the new thing scare your pants off. Because He says YOU are new, and He’s got this.
Take the first step, and let Him love on you awhile. That’s where it all begins.