When we have been in a situation where we have felt helpless, most of us tend to swear we’ll never let ourselves go there again.
And we may be successful. Or not.
But the shadow of that feeling of powerlessness stays with us forever in some way, reminding us. Scaring us. Taunting us with our smallness.
We can overcompensate in our attempt to gain strength and feel protected. Become hard and brittle inside and out.
Or we can tremble in the corner, with unkempt hair, and drool dribbling down our chin.
I don’t want either scenario. Too extreme.
I do want to be healthy in how I approach life. And love.
How I pursue my dreams. Build relationships.
And that can be hard when I still occasionally remember the feeling of inadequacy when he chose her instead of fighting for us.
Or my failure as a mom when his little body wasn’t formed well enough to survive.
And, of course, my daughter will have challenges for her whole life.
I know from experience that if I stay there and wallow in it, it will be crippling.
Feeling like maybe I am not enough. Like I don’t have what it takes to accomplish the dreams deep within my heart. The ones that simultaneously invigorate me and terrify me.
I stand up again each morning after a sleepless night of tossing and turning due to anxious thoughts by redefining my boundaries. Guarding my heart and what is important. By continuing to stay strong on the inside, reminding myself often of my worth in my Creator’s eyes, and remaining soft on the outside.
And for the moments where I will inevitably feel helpless again, I know that HE holds tomorrow. He is good, and His plans are good. So my disappointments can give way to hope that things will be better than I expected.
‘Cause thats how He rolls.
THAT’S how I get my power back.
I remember Who doles it out, and let Him continually replenish it.
I have the power.