There was a time in my life when God was merely someone to be respected, revered, and even somewhat afraid of. I learned about Him when I was 11, then sailed through the rest of my school years attending churches and youth groups learning about Him, but somehow never actually caught on that I could know Him personally.
By the time I hit my twenties, I wasn’t ok with going to church just to follow a bunch of rules that seemed more geared to please people than to please God… if there was more, I wanted to know about it. I asked questions, I got aggravated with the answers because they seemed out of my reach, and I felt myself spinning my wheels while reaching out to try to grasp something — anything-– that would give me a taste of what I seemed to be craving.
Then life rolled off-kilter for me, and I got down to the task of barely surviving each time my heart was broken.
- Deaths of two loved ones
- raising a child with special needs
- feeling alone in my marriage
I didn’t know how to process the disappointment I felt with how my life was turning out. This wasn’t what I had dreamed of.
When the only thing left for me to do was cry, I knew I was at the end of everything in my power. I did not give up readily, but this was it. The straw that broke my camel’s back was when my husband moved out, stating “it” just wasn’t working. I had nothing left in my survival arsenal to help me cope with this last blow, and I collapsed in a bedraggled heap.
It was there, in that heap, where I first experienced the presence of God. Something outside of myself covered me with a feeling of comfort, of rest, and calm.
I decided to investigate. I was hungry for more of this. Thirsty for it. Ached for it. Craved it.
And He made Himself known to me.
I have had many storms since, but God has faithfully walked with me through them. When the hopelessness weighed so heavily that I could not even raise my head, He came in and lifted it.
Time and time again.
Is God personal?
Is God worth getting to know?
I believe it with all I am.
“You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” – Jeremiah 29:13
“Call to me and I will answer and reveal to you wondrous secrets that you haven’t known.” – Jeremiah 33:3