Divorce is Like Death. (I’m Sorry For Your Loss.)

If you are one of the few who have found themselves faced with divorce, whether you want it or not, may I have a few moments with you?

I am sorry.

So sorry that those dreams and butterflies and plans and hopes are now in the trash. Trampled and soggy.

I’m sorry if you were rejected. That the vows you both spoke weren’t adhered to, and that in some way, shape or form, you were dishonored and passed over.

I’d like to tell you something.

I realize that I’m just a face plastered on your screen beside some black and white words, but I think its important to share something with you that I have slowly come to understand through my own pain of rejection and divorce.

Its this: You are enough.

And you didn’t deserve it, no matter what floats through your mind or in the atmosphere from people who don’t know squat about your life.

You’re going to be inundated with umpteen lies about how you didn’t try hard enough, how you’re giving up too soon, how you are obviously not sexy enough, attractive enough, smart enough, funny enough, capable enough…

Even if you don’t truly believe those things, you’re probably going to feel them at some point, and its gonna really hurt.

Divorce is like a death in so many ways. Death of the love you thought you shared. Death of a loved one, because they no longer want to be your loved one, or else you realize they don’t actually love you.

Death of how you thought your life would play out. Death of dreams.

So, take your time grieving the loss, however it looks in your situation. Your partner may have cheated on you, may have mistreated you, may have sucked the life out of you, may have taken everything you worked for and left you to start from scratch.

Its ok to be sad. To get angry. To feel at loose ends.

But know this: You Are Enough.

Don’t let “them” win by staying bitter and resentful.

Allow yourself to feel the junk, but keep moving forward no matter how slow.

Because you are worthy of love, even if they did not value you.

Some day you will know that in your bones. You are worthy of love. 

And respect.

Fidelity.

Honor.

Smiles. Time. Partnership. Camaraderie.  Laughter. Shared dreams and goals.

I’m not saying you have to find someone else to replace them. But I’m saying that you are worth those things, and the death of this relationship doesn’t define you as a failure.

The marriage failed. But you can come out of it a winner if you choose to.

It happened. It sucks. It hurts. And you’re allowed to know and feel that.

Just remember that you are not a loser just because of the failure. You can come out of this. I know it.

Hang in there baby.

love love

Shev

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