What’s a Control Freak? (book club sesh #3)

controlfreakWhat in the world does it mean to let go? And just because I may have trouble “letting go” of certain things, does it automatically make me a control freak? — Ha! Good questions that have been tossed around in my hemisphere plenty!

Welcome to the 3rd of our He Dances With Me bookclub sessions, where we’ll cover both chapters 3 & 4. Today my dialogue with you will be completely written since I got called in to work, thus not able to get my video shot. (I know, I could have done it earlier, but I kind of like leaving it til the day before because it makes me feel like I’m hanging out with you, but I guess I may have to adjust that. Live and learn!) Let’s get to it!

Chapter 3 starts off a little disjointed, I know, because I go off on this super-spiritual tangent before describing the failure of my marriage:

 “My initial reaction during a stressful situation is to be anxious, yet I am very aware of the verse in Philippians 4:6-8: “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” I just didn’t know how to let go, no matter how many times I quoted the verse to myself. I thought it was all up to me. One of the hardest things I’ve found to do is to rest. Rest meaning to trust implicitly that the God in whom I put my trust knows everything that is happening to me at any given time, and that He has provided all that I need and more. Because when I’m in the middle of a mess or uncertain situation, the last thing I feel like doing is trusting in what I can’t see. It’s crazy right now, so how can I trust it’s going to be ok? Rest is a deliberate, inner decision to trust and have complete confidence in the God who loves me. To take His promises personally, to quiet myself before Him, remind myself of His goodness, and allow His still, small voice to speak to my heart. That is rest.  It takes work to rest.”

One of the reasons I went there is because as I recall my failures and disappointments over the years, this Christian issue of learning to ‘let go & let God’ used to bug the heck out of me since I could never seem to get it right. I didn’t understand how you just let something go. Did it mean you just didn’t care anymore, and threw caution to the wind? So, the disintegration of my marriage was the jumping off point into the wild waters of learning what this meant on a very nitty, gritty level I guess. I figured out the hard way that I didn’t have control over what I initially thought I had anyway, so if I was supposed to do this, I needed to learn who it was I was letting go to. My circumstances stunk, and even after my husband moved back in after a year of separation they didn’t really improve; but my understanding of who God is did. He promises that if we seek Him with our whole hearts, we will find Him, and He definitely showed up for me. Everything wasn’t all hunky-dory all of a sudden, but as I shared in chapter 4, God became very real, very close, and very important to me.

My question for you today is: have you experienced this? Have you faced situations where you have made the decision to trust a God you could not see with the outcome? Have you learned, or are you learning, to let go of control that you’ve thought you’ve had in your life? Feel free to comment on anything else that caught your attention in chapters 3 & 4 as well.

Please leave your comments in the reply section below. I can’t wait to hear from you, and get to know you a little better!


6 thoughts on “What’s a Control Freak? (book club sesh #3)”

  1. Hi Sheavaun,
    When reading your story, there’s so much I identify with. It would take a very long time to write all the similarities down. So, I will start by answering your question. Yes, I have experienced having to let go. There are still days I try to take back what I decided to give to Him. I think it is a lifelong quest to relinquish things to Him. But, having said that, I do feel that I have come along way in letting go and trusting and I have come to trust that if He choses, He can take a very sad, heart breaking circumstance and turn it into something that glorifies Him. I didn’t know Him before like I do now. I can finally say that I am at a place where I can see Him as a loving God and know that His love is enough.
    My husband did not bother to work out differences …. just as yours. You write that the pain of a broken heart was worse than the pain of losing a son or losing your dad. I new that losing my husband would be difficult…. I never dreamed it would take me so long to overcome the pain and I doubt that the void caused because of the loss of the “complete family unit” will always be there. And that’s ok. I have something much greater now….. knowing Him. When I remember to count His many blessings that remain, everything is so much easier and I know that I am so blessed.

  2. I have enjoyed reading your book, hearing your story, and realizing yet again how we each have a story. I commend your bravery in putting it “out there” in the hope of helping others. It takes so much courage to do that. I too have a story and know that I will minister to others through it, but lack your courage… for now. I was kind of quiet, control freak, perfectionist, do everything in its order and expected life to follow my carefully constructed plan. Five years ago this month, my life was shattered by a cheating spouse and I realized that all of my married years and what I believed to be true, was a lie. Fortunately, I had been developing a close relationship with God and thats where I ran and buried myself in Him. The short story is that I have realized that only He is my source of Life and security and I no longer look to anyone or anything else for that. As I have let go and trusted and just leaned into Him, taken Him at His words, He has been proven faithful over and over. The more you see it happen, the easier it is to let Him lead and not be anxious. My story has a happy ending. My husband and I stayed together, did the hard work, and the fruit is showing and I am a blessed, happy woman with an intact family. It was SO HARD, but it is God alone that changed hearts, changed this control freak, and I can rest in Him. There’s no way to know this until you really experience all the little ways that God protects, blesses and restores. Gratitude each morning is my story, no matter what lies ahead.
    When I read your story, “He dances with me”, I want to shout ” YES, she gets it too!”

    1. Oh my! My thoughts are racing and I don’t even know which to put down first… I have tears in my eyes, goosebumps on my arms and a heart that is overflowing! Just the idea that someone else has experienced His faithfulness in this way always bowls me over. You put it so beautifully: “I have realized that only He is my source of Life and security and I no longer look to anyone or anything else for that.” How amazing is that, really? As weird as it may sound, He becomes our everything, and all else flows out of that. Our relationships, our daily work, our priorities… everything else. And it is sooo true that the more you let Him lead, the more you see He is faithful, and the easier it gets. I shout with you Renata: YES YES YES!! Thank you so much for sharing. It takes courage, I know. Bless you!

  3. Good morning Sheavaun, I missed your smiling face this am. But one has to work…..
    Control – naaa, no problems there! Now thats a lie. lol
    I have tried to take control over the years, but find it’s alot easier to try to have control from behind the scenes, it’s less obvious that way. HAHA!
    Actually, it scares me immensely, the thought of walking through life without God at the wheel, cause I have learned that when I try to take the wheel I usually end up in the ditch. So I try daily to let God guide and direct me, my husband and children, and my friends. To seek His will and directions for us.
    I’m not saying its easy, but the fear of me trying to take control is greater than letting go and trusting in God.
    I loved reading chapter 3 and 4, those days seem so long ago yet feels like yesterday. I love the way God has revealed Himself to you. Praise Him!

    1. Hi Joan! I love the ditch analogy, it’s so true for me too. And as we have slowly learned that lesson it becomes a natural catch in the gut when we try to do it all on our own. I’d be lying if I claimed I’m always immediately obedient, but as much as I am tempted to go my own way I am reminded of God’s faithfulness and constant desire for me be more. Whew! Not easy, but always worth it, even if it’s simply for the realization that I am where I should be.
      Thanks for engaging with me!

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