Alone

No One Likes To Feel Alone

I hate feeling alone.

cryinggirlNot being alone, I love that. No, I hate the feeling of being all alone.

Helpless. Hopeless. Small. Invisible. Unable to fix whatever is wrong, and not knowing what to do. Loved ones console as best as they can, but are at a loss to truly help.

What a horrible feeling.

I’m pretty much a do-it-yourself-er, so the few times that I have felt utterly alone have been awful experiences for me, and it’s been an automatic reflex to vow I’d never be put in a position like that again.

Keep my emotions well concealed, careful not to take too much joy from any one thing in case it’s taken from me.

Close friends few and hard-won. Emotional intimacy a risk not relished because being alone by choice was far safer than feeling alone and helpless.

Interestingly enough I discovered that I couldn’t completely shield myself. I was alone, though I wasn’t meant to be. I realized this for the 1st time as I lay fully clothed heaving in emotional agony in a dry bathtub, listening to my mother pray for me over the phone. I can distinctly remember thinking that I was not finished sobbing, yet this foreign feeling of calm or peace just washed over me. I had never experienced anything like it, and I just relaxed and absorbed it. It made me think for days afterward that I should break out of my tightly bound world of control and do some exploring. That’s when I started reading the Bible, books about the Bible, books about God, books about me and God… I had to find out what I was missing.

I’m telling you, He met me there and has never left. If you know anything about me, you’re aware of my many faults and idiosyncrasies, never mind my pride, temper, and mouth. But He’s stayed with me, and you know why? Because its not about me and whether or not I’m good enough for Him. I am because of Jesus. So I’m free to discover Him, which in turn allows me to discover myself. Sure I have my slip ups but I’m learning that I can trust Him. The same God who spoke the universe into existence gets a kick out of me, and wants me around. Cool!

As far as life being easier because of it, I’d have to say nuh-uh. Sometimes I’m sure things are going to come completely undone and I’ll never survive, but then He shows up and flexes His muscles. I love it! The things He pulls out of His hat are sometimes crazy and backward to my way of thinking, but I trust Him.

Did you know this is the same God that told Abraham he and Sarah would have so many descendants they would outnumber the stars in the sky? He waited til they were both so old and pruney they couldn’t possibly conceive on their own, and then gave them their son Isaac. It’s the same God who protected Shadrach, Meshach and Abednigo in the fiery furnace, and protected Daniel in the den of lions. The same God that David wrote and sang about in Psalms of how great His love and power was. The same God who rose Jesus from the dead.

It’s a relationship He’s looking for, not a rehearsed set of motions and words. God wants our heart and our trust and He promises to care for us as His own.

“Seek first the kingdom of God and all these things shall be added unto you.”

Its quite possible that many believers in the name of Jesus aren’t necessarily believers that His heart and intentions are good.

What about you?

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